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How to Survive the Stress of Caring, and Look After Your Own Health

Blog post written by author of Who Cares?, Sara Challice. Who Cares? has been shortlisted in the Non-Fiction category of The People’s Book Prize 2020/21. Click here to give it your vote.  

 

Caring for a loved one is, without a doubt, a kind and selfless act. Not only does it give another a better quality of life, it may even extend their longevity.

But whilst caring, your altruism could cost you more than your time and energy, because around 70% of carers fall either mentally or physically unwell – this included myself!

During my time out recovering, I realised I needed to make changes so as not only to survive my caring role, but also to regain my health and start enjoying life again.

So how can you overcome the stress of caring, to become more resilient and safeguard your own health?

1. Check in with yourself

As a carer, you’re often so busy being there for everyone else that you ignore your own health. And during the pandemic, this is ever more so whilst trying to talk to your GP, let alone arrange a hospital appointment – all time-consuming tasks that take even more of your precious energy and time.

You may even be suppressing your emotions, as you’re so busy tending to and protecting those around you who are almost certainly classed currently as ‘high risk’ for coronavirus. The pressure can build up, bit by bit, and go unnoticed until crisis strikes.

Do you have a good friend or family member you could check in with for a short time, once a week? This can be either face-to-face (socially distancing of course!), over the phone or via Skype. Or you could try journaling – writing down your feelings and the issues you’re experiencing. Observing what is actually happening can help lead you to making better choices for yourself, as well as for your loved ones.

2. Take a break

If you see each day as a list of chores – just doing this, just doing that – you’ll end up simply falling into bed exhausted!

Even though times are ever more challenging, you still need to have regular breaks, as well as have quality time. You’re not just here for a loved one, you are also here for you!

Try taking a short break between each chore, even if it’s 10 minutes. This will help you pace the day. You could jot down a list of things you enjoy doing during these breaks, such as reading a magazine, having a kip, or calling a good friend for a chat. You can then pick from your ‘break menu’, when you stop for a rest.

3. Focus on the good stuff

There is often a lot to deal with and carers are often in survival mode – focusing on the issues, to ensure everything and everyone is okay – but this does not make for an enjoyable life.

What are you happy and thankful for in your life? It may just be a hot shower that morning, or your comfy bed. It could be having loving and kind friends or patting your pet. If I’d had a bad day, I would climb into bed and think of five things I was grateful for that day. It always put a smile on my face and put me in a better state of mind before sleep.

Just remember to be kind to yourself and recognise all that you do. You really are amazing, being there for loved ones. Make sure you are also there for you!

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Coping with anxiety in this time of crisis

anxiety in a time of crisis

As we are all already aware, this is a very distressing and unsteady time for many. I would like to offer some hope to those who are suffering from anxiety and anxious feelings, whether you are  or have been a sufferer of anxiety in the past, or whether the unsteadiness of this current time has caused the feelings of anxiousness and unease, I hope some of the strategies below will be able to help you cope.

  1. If you have read any of my ‘Hope’ books, you will be very aware that I am a great advocate for positive exercise and mental well-being. Many of us would leave the house on a regular basis, whether it was walking to work, or walking to drop the children at school, or a regular member of the gym, we are finding ourselves suddenly cooped up with our regular activities on hold. Making sure you are still getting regular exercise is paramount to our mental health, there are so many exercise videos on YouTube and online from beginner HIT sessions to yoga and Pilates. If you are able to leave the house, taking a brisk walk whilst getting fresh air will be invaluable. A good nights sleep and eating a balanced diet also complement exercise for their benefits on the mind.
  2. Onto my next topic….the media….whilst it is extremely important that we are all keeping up to date with the current situation, it is also important that we take our minds off it for our own sanity. Having a ‘media free’ or ‘tech free’ time each day will help us to focus on other topics and calm our minds. I love doing puzzles and find them very therapeutic. Other activities could include, reading a book, or even cooking a nice dinner.
  3. Spending more time at home is probably on most people’s wish lists, however, when it is suddenly thrown on us, we don’t know what to do with ourselves. The risk of not being able to socialize as we usually would could lead to a low mood slowly setting in. Getting up each day and giving yourselves a little self-care will go a long way to keep our minds positive and fresh.Wash your hair, shower regularly, put on fresh clothes, and you will feel ready to face the day.

Blog post written by Hammersmith author, Lynn Crilly, author of Hope with Depression, Hope with OCD and Hope with Eating Disorders

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A Carer’s Christmas

Carer's at Christmas

The festive season is approaching and many of us look forward to enjoying this time. But for those caring for a loved one, Christmas can add an extra layer of stress, on top of everything else they are contending with.

Whilst caring for my husband, I still loved Christmas time, but immediately after, I always fell ill. I then spent January recovering, which made caring even more difficult.

So with this in mind, here is some useful advice to help you enjoy the season as you continue to care, so as not find yourself completely exhausted by the end of it!

  1. Spend a few moments planning the next three weeks. What do you really have to do and what do you not have to do? For example, do you always make the Christmas cake? Why not buy in this year and save yourself the time and energy? Just by making a few simple choices, can help to relieve us of any unwanted stress.
  2. We can find ourselves writing Christmas cards into the night! I know I certainly have. Then there’s the expense, plus the thought of climate change and all those trees. Why not write just a handful of cards to your nearest and dearest, and send an email or text to friends, letting them know you will be donating a bit of money to charity instead of sending them a card?
  3. We want to say yes to all things! But if you are caring, you only have so much energy, plus limited time and money. So instead of trying to cram in and see everyone over the next few weeks, why not suggest meeting some folk in the New Year to spread it out? This will give you a bit more space and give you something to look forward to in January.
  4. All that Christmas shopping can leave anyone frazzled. If you don’t have a problem with shopping online, this can certainly take the pressure off, avoiding the crowds and shops. Also, you may get some better deals online, as well as having your gifts delivered to your door, without leaving the house.
  5. Listen to your body. If you’re already feeling exhausted, and you have planned to go out and see friends or family, let them know how you really feel. Take the time to rest and recoup. If you try to do too much, and become completely depleted, your immune system may become low, leaving you susceptible to picking up a bug. The last thing you or your loved one needs. We just can’t please everyone all of the time. I know. I’ve tried! Let others know how you feel and if they really care, they will understand.
  6. Enjoy the simple pleasures. I love the fairy lights going up in the living room and having the candles on. Why not invite friends and family over instead of going out for an evening? Even though you will then be hosting, it can still help to save money and the energy,or getting your loved one out to a destination in the winter months.

Finally, we want to make the most of this special time, because for many of us, we know we may only have limited time with our loved one. This is why caring can be so very difficult. So be kind to yourself, ensure you take regular breaks and rest, so that you can make the most and enjoy the festive season.

Blog post written by Sara Challice, Who Cares? How to care for yourself whilst caring for a loved one. Available from Hammersmith Health Books, April 2020.